Jason Bailey

Nivea recently shot a new ad where a remote-control plane that looks like a seagull flies around at the beach . . . and poops sunscreen on little kids.

It’s actually been online since at least May, but AdWeek.com just posted something this week about how dumb it is.

It’s hard to find something we can all agree on these days, so let’s hear it for this jerk . . . he’s bringing us together.

There’s a guy in Houston named Lonnie Turner, who looks about 40. And he recently went on Facebook to complain about how his wife can’t seem to get along with his mistress!!

He posted side-by-side photos of them, and said, quote, “These two better learn to get along. I work extremely hard, and I think I deserve to have everything my little heart desires.”

Then when someone called him out in the comments section, he said both women had crappy lives before they met him, and probably don’t want to go back to eating, quote, “leftover taco meat and soup.”

A few other people asked if his wife is cool with it, and whether she’s allowed to see other guys. But obviously she’s not cool with it if they don’t get along, right? And even if she was, did the guy really need to post their photos?

Some people think it might be a joke, but he defended himself from the comments, and his profile has been active for two years. He also has lots of photos . . . including pictures of his two kids.

Here’s the hypothetical question of all hypothetical questions.

If you wouldn’t get fired . . . if you wouldn’t get demoted . . . if you wouldn’t have your salary docked . . . if you wouldn’t get arrested . . . if there were no consequences at all . . . would you punch your boss in the face?

In a new survey, 73% of men in the U.S. say . . . no. But 27% of men say heck yeah, they’d punch their boss right in the face.

The survey found people are much more eager to take a consequences-free swing at a coworker.

51% of men say they’d punch a coworker in the face if they could get away with it. That means the majority of men want to punch a coworker. Only 49% wouldn’t punch a coworker in the face.

People at wedding receptions are mystifying . . . normal, civilized people act like they haven’t eaten in months the way they attack the buffet. And that went very badly at a wedding in Norfolk, England last week.

28-year-old Karyssa Smethurst of Norfolk got married, and apparently her family was hungry. As they grabbed for chicken in the buffet line, things got crazy.

It escalated to the point where Karyssa’s 53-year-old uncle, Curt Hughes, punched her sister, 29-year-old Krystel Coleman. Krystel ended up with two black eyes and a broken nose.

And the fight kept spreading. The groom’s family got involved, old people were getting knocked over, and it took ten cops to break up the fight.

Curt was arrested for assault. No one else was arrested.

I’m pretty sure if a giant bear is ever about to attack me, my reaction isn’t going to be, “Come at me bro.” But that’s exactly what this guy did.

A 61-year-old man named Rick Nelson from Sudbury, Ontario, Canada was walking his dog on Sunday afternoon, when a bear cub poked its head out of a bush. But it was scared of Rick, so it started crying for help . . . and that brought his mother over.

Black bears don’t usually attack people . . . unless their babies are in danger. And this black bear thought that’s what was happening, so she charged.

Even though she was over 300 pounds and very angry, Rick made a split-second decision that he had to stand his ground and fight her.

He says he knew most bears are right handed, so before she swung at him, he knew where he’d have an opening . . . and he punched her in the face. She still got in one decent shot on him, but his punch was enough to stun her.

Then her cub started wandering away, and fortunately she decided to go after the baby instead of sticking around to fight.

So Rick only wound up with some cuts on his face and his shoulder.

More here: CBC

At some point, we’ve ALL announced that we’re in “the middle of nowhere.” Well . . . believe it or not, someone just figured out the actual middle of nowhere. And it’s in Idaho.

A blog called Vizual Statistix used the U.S. database of all major roads to figure out which parts of the U.S. are the furthest away from interstates, highways, U.S. routes, state routes, and other large roads . . . truly isolating them in the middle of nowhere.

And two of the four most isolated spots are in Idaho: The National Forests in central Idaho, and the intersection of southwest Idaho, southeast Oregon, and northern Nevada.

The other two most isolated places are the Grand Canyon in Arizona, and the lakes in northwest Maine. But if you count Canadian roads, northwest Maine becomes a lot less isolated.

The blog also figured out the “middle of nowhere” spots based on how close they are to airports. Most of them are in Nevada, Utah, Montana, Wyoming . . . and, once again, that Idaho-Oregon-Nevada intersection.

43-year-old Madelyn Sheaffer of Independence, Missouri went to a water park with her family. And she declared independence from boring, un-sexy, one-piece bathing suits.

Madelyn wore a string bikini to Adventure Oasis Water Park. She looks pretty good in it too . . . and I’m sure that means a lot to her, since she says she recently lost one hundred pounds!!

So she was very upset when the park told her she had to either cover up or leave because the bikini was too revealing.

She says the only reason they said that is because she’s fuller figured and in her 40s. Quote, “I could see a handful of other girls half my age wearing the same size swimming suit and not being singled out.”

Madelyn argued with the staff, and they ended up calling the cops, who escorted her out of the park. She’s filed a discrimination complaint against the park with the city.

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The Internet is going nuts over a video that supposedly shows a teddy bear come to life in the middle of the night, and roll on top of a woman while she’s sleeping next to it.

Some people think it was possessed . . . other people think a ghost moved it . . . and everyone who’s not crazy knows it’s fake.

This guy’s an idiot, but dammit . . . he’s also a patriot!!

A 22-year-old guy named Quinnlan O’Meara in Des Moines, Iowa was shooting off fireworks around 4:00 A.M. on Sunday. So the cops went to his place and saw him standing there . . . with a bunch of fireworks in his hand.

Only, fireworks are illegal in Iowa, so the cops told him they’d arrest him if he shot any more of them off. Then when they left . . . he immediately shot them off.

So the cops came back to arrest him. And he told them once he got out of jail, he was going to light another one, quote, “with a blunt in his mouth . . . because this is America.”

Then they told him they were going to give him a preliminary breathalyzer test, and he said he would take a preliminary go [eff] yourself test.

He was arrested and charged with using fireworks, public intoxication, and disorderly conduct.

See the official story here.

A recent semifinalist on “Poland’s Got Talent” did a magic trick on a Polish TV show the other day, where you slam your hand down on paper bags, and one of them has a nail in it.

But he had one of the co-hosts do one, and something went wrong . . . because she ended up with a nail stuck in her hand and immediately started screaming.

Luckily the wound wasn’t as bad as it sounds, and she’ll be okay. But she went to the hospital for antibiotics and a tetanus shot.