Jason Bailey

Have you ever come up with a crazy lie to get out of work? Apparently you should just keep it simple. An insurance company recently polled 1,000 business owners and CEOs to find what they consider good reasons for calling out sick. Here are the top nine . . .

1. You have the flu. 42% said it’s a good enough reason to miss work. Apparently the other 58% expect you to show up in a Snuggie and work from the bathroom?

2. Your back went out, 39%.

3. You had some sort of accident and hurt yourself, 38%.

4. You’re just really stressed out, 35%. Which is interesting. Can you imagine saying you’re just too stressed out to come in, and your boss being cool with it?

5. You had elective surgery, 35%. (???)

6. You’re depressed, 35%.

7. You’re having an anxiety attack, 25%.

8. You have a cold, 24%.

9. You have a migraine, 22%.

And 8% of employers said none of those excuses are a good enough reason to miss work.

It’s tailgate season, so here’s a list that might help you on the grill. It’s four ways you might be cooking burgers wrong . . .

1. Don’t use burgers with too much fat. Ground beef with a higher percentage of fat is usually cheaper. That’s okay if you’re cooking burgers on the stove, but when fat drips on the grill, you get flare-ups. And you might burn the outside of the burgers while they’re still raw inside.

2. Don’t season them too soon. Putting salt on ground beef draws out the moisture, so you end up with dry burgers. Especially if you use too much, or do it too soon. So don’t season the meat until RIGHT before you put it on the grill.

3. Don’t cut into them to see how well they’re done. If you need to get a general idea of how well they’re cooked, do it with ONE of them. But then YOU should eat that burger, because it’ll be drier than the rest of them are.

If you need to cut into more than one burger to make sure they’re not raw . . . someone else should probably be working the grill.

4. Don’t let the buns get soggy. It happens if you make a bunch of burgers at the same time, and immediately put them on buns for people. If you want to do it that way, the trick is to put the slice of cheese under the burger, so it protects the bun from all the juices.

Slate.com just released the results of an informal study that asked, “If every state had one official word, what would it be?”

The results include a ton of regional slang, most of which you’ve never heard of. I’d even bet the people IN most of these states have never heard Slate’s pick for their “official” word.

Tennessees word is:
whirlygust (noun): a strong wind
Just as we were about to complete the house of cards on the back porch a whirlygust rolled through and ruined everything.

I have never heard that before… And I was born and raised here.

Some are spot on, though. Hawaii’s official word is “aloha” . . . Indiana’s is “Hoosier” . . . and Massachusetts’ is “wicked.” Those are all slam dunks.

For California and Pennsylvania, one region of the state won over another. California’s word is “hella,” which might be more of a Northern California thing . . . and Pennsylvania’s is “yinz,” which is a Western Pennsylvania term for “you guys.”

A few of the weirder ones are: “Glawackus” in Connecticut, which is the name of a mythical local monster . . . “kybo” in Iowa, which is what they call a port-a-potty . . . and “shucky darn” in Kansas, which is a way of saying “wow!”

I am a Dad that tells terrible jokes and have a Dad that tells terrible jokes…. I turned out okay… My kids turned out okay…. Or did they??? Check out this video if you have ever had to deal with Dad Jokes.

The average American believes they’re a wonderful driver. And I know what you’re thinking: “Oh my God, they are NOT . . . but I definitely am.”

A new survey found 61% of us think we’re very good drivers, and another 24% think we’re pretty good. That’s a total of 85%.

Only 2% of us admit we’re bad drivers.

But if you ask our husbands and wives, they strongly disagree.

Only 33% of people say their spouse is a very good driver . . . 41% of women say their husband is a very good driver, versus only 25% of men.

And only 30% of parents say their kids are good drivers.

Let’s say you get into a massive fight with your boyfriend or girlfriend, they DUMP you, and storm out. As they go, they leave the door open and your dog runs away and never comes back. Which are you more upset about?

According to a new survey, people would be more upset about losing their DOG than ending their relationship.

On a pain scale of one to 10, people say losing their dog is a 9.1 . . . and a break up is an 8.8.

Here are a few more results from the survey . . .

38% of people admit they love their dog more than their boyfriend or girlfriend . . . or even their spouse.

Half say they trust their dog and their spouse equally.

And 71% probably wouldn’t date someone if their dog didn’t like them.

Back in the old days of 2011, kids would rather chop off a limb than be friends with their parents on Facebook. But times have changed.

A new survey found 61% of teenagers say they really DON’T care if their parents friend them on Facebook, or follow them on any other social media.

And the main reason might be that they’re just not worried about what you or anyone else sees them post. 79% say they rarely regret anything they post on social media, and there’s pretty much nothing they’re embarrassed to share.

There’s something about being forced to work on Labor Day that seems so un-American. But since we’re a country that never takes vacation days anymore, maybe it actually makes sense.

A new study found 97% of companies will give at least some of their employees a paid day off on Labor Day, which is a week from Monday. But . . . 41% will make some people WORK that day.

Only 9% of them will make their employees work without some kind of bonus pay, but still.

Most of us are in the habit of Googling whatever pops into our head . . . no matter how ridiculous or embarrassing it is.  Unfortunately, there’s a chance that a lot of other people around you are also Googling the same random nonsense.

A real estate website called Estately analyzed searches from each state to find what embarrassing thing people there are Googling more than people anywhere else.  Here are our 12 favorites . . .

1.  Washington:  “sandals and socks.”

2.  New Mexico:  “The Hot Chick” . . . as in the Rob Schneider movie from 2002.

3.  North Dakota:  “Limp Bizkit.”

4.  Illinois:  “Is WWE fake?”

5.  Iowa:  “According to Jim” . . . the Jim Belushi sitcom.

6.  Wisconsin:  a Google image search for pictures of outhouses.

7.  Maryland:  “Am I a virgin?”

8.  Indiana:  “Arby’s”.  And also, “How big is average?”

9.  Delaware:  “Newark girls.”

10.  Maine:  “Nickelback lyrics.”

11.  Tennessee:  “Is Bigfoot real?”

12.  Mississippi:  “Penis enlargement.”

You can see all of the embarrassing Google searches for each state here.