Jason Bailey

It’s officially fall, which means it’s only been a month since the world began “pumpkin spicing” everything . . . including your mom. Yes. Your mom is now pumpkin spice-flavored.

Anyway, a website jumped on it and created a list of the best and worst pumpkin-flavored products. There doesn’t seem to be any rationale for the rankings other than the author’s personal taste, but it still works.

Their favorite pumpkin product is pumpkin ice cream. That’s a classic and it’s been around for decades. The rest of the top five are pumpkin Cinnabons . . . pumpkin Mini-Wheats . . . pumpkin-flavored coffee . . . and pumpkin Jell-O.

Their pick for the worst pumpkin product was . . . Pumpkin Hershey’s Kisses. You don’t mess with a classic. Although they put it better. Quote, “Eating Kisses is like telling society, ‘I’ve given up on buying actual candy and I’m settling for these gnome turds of tastelessness.'”

The rest of the bottom five are pumpkin M&M’s . . . pumpkin spice Candy Corn . . . pumpkin Oreos . . . and pumpkin Marshmallow Peeps.

We’re getting into cold and flu season, so here’s a list from Health.com of the four ‘secrets’ of people who never get sick. Although they’re not really ‘secrets’ just common sense. Check ’em out . . .

1. Get as Much Fresh Air as Possible. Stepping outside gives you a break from the germs circulating indoors. Plus when you’re outside, you’re normally more active. Just walking around leads to an increase in the white blood cells that kill off bacteria.

2. Find Time to Relax. Just being stressed out messes with your immune system. Stress hormones inhibit your body from producing a certain type of protein molecules called cytokines. (Sigh-toe-kines)

They trigger your immune system to fight off different microbes that enter your bloodstream. And without enough of them, white blood cells don’t know where to go.

3. Wash Your Hands More Often. According to the Centers for Disease Control, hot water and soap are still better than any kind of hand sanitizer. Ideally, you should soap up for about 20 seconds before you rinse.

And the kind of soap that comes in a pump is best. Germs can actually GROW on a bar of soap.

4. Get Enough Sleep. A 2009 study by Carnegie Mellon found that getting less than seven hours of sleep almost TRIPLES your odds of catching a cold. (Health.com)

Everyone’s talking (well, reporters who can’t find a better story are talking) about the sexy Donald Trump Halloween costume.

Online costume and lingerie shop Yandy.com is selling a limited-edition outfit called the “Donna T. Rumpshaker,” for $69.95. That price includes a white sleeveless collared shirt, red tie, royal blue faux blazer and matching “booty shorts.” Just like Donald Trump wears, apparently.

For an additional $7.95, shoppers can also purchase the matching “Making America Great Hat,” and for $9.95, the “Comb Over Politician Wig.”

It’s official: Selfies have killed more people this year than sharks. So take that, shark-haters!

A couple Japanese tourists slipped while they were taking a selfie on some stairs at the Taj Mahal this week. One of them broke his leg, and the other guy hit his head . . . lost consciousness . . . and died.

Mashable.com crunched the numbers, and that brings total selfie deaths this year to twelve. Four of them were people who fell, and the next highest cause of death involves trains.

That also includes a guy in August who got gored during the running of the bulls . . . the guy in July whose selfie stick was hit by lightning . . . the Russian woman who accidentally shot herself in May while posing with a gun . . .

And two Russian guys in January who posed with a live grenade. There have already been more selfie deaths this year than all of last year. And it’s only September.

As far as shark-related deaths, there have only been eight this year. It just seems like sharks are more dangerous, because of all the media coverage.

So this seems inappropriate . . . but apparently makeup companies are now tweaking their formulas to make you look better in selfies.

Sure, war and famine are terrible . . . especially if you live in a Third World country where they’re a reality. What about the irritating things we deal with in the so-called ‘First World’?

According to a survey by UNICEF in New Zealand, here are the 10 biggest “first-world problems”.

#1.) Slow internet access: 80% of people complained about it.

#2.) Not being able to find something at the supermarket: 65%.

#3.) Bad-tasting fruit, like mushy apples: 55%.

#4.) Getting a bad haircut: 42%.

#5.) When the TV remote stops working: 36%.

#6.) Having to move around to get a wireless signal: 34%.

#7.) The barista screwing up your coffee order: 31%.

#8.) Not having access to e-mail or the Internet: 31%.

#9.) Uncomfortable couches: 21%.

#10.) Not being able to win a game on your phone: 21%.

The average adult in America drinks about 21 gallons of beer a year. Just to put that in perspective, we drink about 19 gallons of coffee a year.

But it’s only Tuesday, ya drunk. So we’ve got a list of five other things you can do with beer . . . not that you ever would.

#1.) Clean Jewelry. According to ModernMan.com, you can soak gold jewelry in light beer before you polish it. Apparently the acid in beer helps get it clean.

#2.) Kill Slugs, Snails, Fruit Flies, and Cockroaches. Slugs, snails, and cockroaches are attracted to the smell. Fruit flies are attracted to the glycerol, which is created by yeast when the beer’s fermenting. (Of course, there’s also a chance you’ll just attract ants.)

#3.) Loosen Rusty Bolts and Screws. The carbonation in beer can supposedly help break down the rust. With that said . . . if you have WD-40 in the garage, don’t waste your beer.

#4.) Clean Wood Furniture. Not any kind of beer works though. It has to be a darkish ale, and you have to let it go flat first. You’re supposed to rub it on the wood with a cloth, then use another cloth to dry it. It should help restore the color, and give the wood more of a polished look.

#5.) Cleanse Your Skin. The yeast and other ingredients in beer can actually exfoliate your skin. The downside is . . . you smell like you’re hammered.

Next time your wife wants you to do the dishes, tell her no . . . You know… To save your marriage.

According to a new study out of Norway, the divorce rate for couples who split housework and chores equally is almost 50% higher than the divorce rate for couples where the woman does most of the housework.

The researchers say they were surprised at the result. Quote, “One would think that break-ups would occur more often in families with less equality at home, but our statistics show the opposite.” They have two theories why this happens . . .

One is that relationships might work better when both people, quote, “have very clear roles with lots of clarity. There could be less arguments than if both have the same roles and one has the feeling the other isn’t pulling his or her weight.”

The other theory comes off sounding wwwwwaaaaaayyyyy more sexist. The researchers say couples that evenly divide the housework are usually more, quote, “modern” couples where the woman works and makes good money.

That means she’s less financially dependent on her husband like, ya know, women were 50 years ago . . . so she’s not afraid to get a divorce.

There’s nothing worse than hurting yourself doing something stupid. I cut four tendons by tapping the top of a beer bottle with another beer bottle to make it foam up. It left a pretty good scar.

Jasons Scar

These come from a discussion on Reddit.com about the horrible injuries people have suffered due to their own stupidity. Here are four of the best . . .

1. “Ran up a down escalator for fun. My shoes were untied and got caught up. I saw my shin bone that day.”

2. “I stuck a penny behind my night light when I was 10. The shock set the wall on fire, melted the carpet, and heavily damaged the nerves in my left hand. I was born left-handed, so to this day, I’m terrible with both hands.”

3. “I refused to go to a doctor over a urinary tract infection. It got so bad it looked like I was peeing strands of hair. My immune system mounted an all-out attack, wiped out the cells that produce insulin . . . and gave me type one diabetes.”

4. “I lost my right eye trying to pull a fork out of a sofa cushion.”

According to a new survey, 7 in 10 people think they’re “sophisticated”. And as for the top things that make someone sophisticated . . . somehow watching football and drinking Natty Light didn’t make the list. Here are the top ten . . .

1. Going to the theater.

2. Recognizing paintings, and knowing who the artist is.

3. Doing educational things when you go on vacation.

4. Listening to classical music.

5. Going to the ballet.

6. Knowing how to pair wine with food.

7. Watching the news.

8. Watching documentaries.

9. Knowing how to read music.

10. Being interested in politics.

The rest of the top 40 included reading the newspaper . . . doing crosswords . . . reading a book before the movie comes out . . . watching “Antiques Roadshow” . . . having a library card . . . knowing how to use chopsticks . . . and knowing how to pronounce “quinoa”. By the way It’s pronounced KEEN-wah

According to a new study, your kids aren’t always being honest with you. Not a huge surprise. But they might be getting Away with it more than you think.

Researchers at Amsterdam University talked to 1,000 people of all ages while they were hooked up to a lie detector, and found that teenagers were the BEST liars.

Kids between 13 and 17 were more likely to lie and get away with it than any other age group. The researchers think it’s because the frontal lobe of their brain hasn’t started deteriorating yet, so they were quicker on their feet than adults were.

The study also found that teenagers tell the most lies. On average, people tell just over two lies a day, but 60% of teenagers tell around five.

Apparently you can trust your kids until they’re about ten years old though. Kids between six and nine told fewer lies than any other age group.

And most six-year-olds aren’t great liars, so it’s pretty easy to catch them.