Jason Bailey

Apparently we could ALL get incredible new jobs . . . it would just take a tiny bit of extra effort when we apply. But I don’t know . . . even a tiny bit of effort really goes against my “lazy or die” philosophy. So I’m probably out.

A new survey found the top five mistakes people make when they apply for jobs, and all of them seem like they’d be pretty easy to fix. Check ’em out . . .

1. 84% of people don’t find out the name of the person doing the hiring and personalize their email to them.

2. 57% don’t send a thank you note after an interview . . . not even an email.

3. 54% don’t customize their resume based on the job they’re applying for.

4. 45% don’t include a cover letter.

5. And 37% don’t follow up after they send in their application, which would help them stand out.

Someone looked at the weirdest things people Google . . . but not things that only a few people search for. It’s stuff that THOUSANDS of people Google, every month. Here are the ten we liked best . . .

1. Does passing gas burn calories? And the answer is yes, but only because it takes a tiny bit of energy to do it. So by that standard, breathing burns calories too.

2. Why do men have nipples? Because it happens in utero before your male hormones kick in.

3. Do penguins have knees? Yes, they do.

4. Is the Tooth Fairy real?

5. Do pigs sweat? Yes, but it’s not really to cool themselves down. They have to roll in the mud for that.

6. Do men have periods?

7. Do worms have eyes? No, but their skin cells can detect light.

8. Why does my boss hate me?

9. Can a man get pregnant?

10. Am I a psycho?

The top 20 also include, “When will I die?” . . . “Does my butt look 40?” . . . “Is the world flat?” . . . “Can I marry my cousin?” . . . and “What happens if you drink blood?”

People with celiac disease can’t eat gluten because it causes them all sorts of problems . . . that’s a scientific fact. But there are PLENTY of people without that disease who claim that gluten bothers them.

Until now, it was basically the consensus that they were just imagining their symptoms. But it turns out that maybe, just maybe, some of them are actually telling the truth.

A new study out of Columbia University found that some people without celiac disease can have the same issues with gluten. That includes things like bloating, feeling tired after you eat, or having stomach pains.

The researchers believe there are about three million Americans without celiac disease who don’t quite have the body chemistry to process gluten.

Quote, “The symptoms reported by [these] individuals are not imagined, as some people have suggested. There is a biological basis for these symptoms.”

If this couple actually has a baby nine months from now, I sure hope they never find out about this story.

The police in Northampton, Massachusetts got a call around 8:00 P.M. on Monday about a couple going to town on each other on top of a parked car.

And when they got there, it turned out that call was true . . . they spotted a naked 32-year-old guy having sex with a naked 36-year-old woman on the roof of the car.

But this wasn’t just some random, pointless public love fest. The couple told the cops they were doing it because they really want to have a baby. That’s sweet, right?

Unfortunately, it was still light outside and sex in public is still illegal, even if it’s for the sake of procreation. So they were both charged with disorderly conduct.

I would never have guessed that the Smithsonian could turn getting drunk into an amazing job, but it’s a strange new world we live in.

The Smithsonian is doing research into American craft beer, so they’re going to hire someone to travel around for the next three years to drink beer, talk to brewers, and file reports. And they’re paying $64,650 a year, plus benefits.

Anyone can apply, but they do say they want someone who has a, quote, “advanced degree” in history, food, brewing, culture, or business.

Apply here!

This is what happens when Walmart gets fast and furious, baby.

A guy who looks like he’s in his 40s stole a bunch of stuff from a Walmart in Tucson, Arizona earlier this month by putting it in the basket of his mobility scooter.

It seems like he needed the scooter for an injury, because he had crutches in his hand the whole time.

But when he tried to drive out of the store, a female employee blocked him. So after a little zigging and zagging, he used the scooter to run her into a wall.

Two other guys came over and grabbed him, but apparently his mobility scooter has some horsepower, because he managed to blast away from them and drive right out the door.

The cops are still looking for him.

You’re not gonna want to hear this, but . . . stop setting the thermostat on your AC so low. Every degree increases your bill by 3%. And researchers have found that if you set it a few degrees higher, your body gets used to it in a week or two.

Here are five more things that can help you save money on air conditioning . . .

1. If you haven’t cleaned the filter on your air conditioner since last year, it’s costing you more than it should to run it.

2. Make sure you’re using all your fans. They’re way cheaper to run, so use them to circulate the cold air. And set them to run counter-clockwise in the summer.

3. Make sure you’re not blocking air vents with furniture. And make sure your thermostat is in a good spot. If the sun hits it or it’s in a room that’s warmer, the A/C will keep running even when the rest of your place is cool.

4. Stop cooling down rooms you’re not using. If you have an extra bedroom, keep the door closed. And if there’s an air vent in there, keep that closed too.

5. Keep your blinds and curtains closed. Your air conditioner has to work a lot harder if the sun’s blasting in through the windows.

A 25-year-old guy in Hattiesburg, Mississippi named Kendrick Murry died last September, after an accident at work. It’s not clear exactly how he died, but we do know he was an organ donor.

Because his mom Adrian was able to give one of his kidneys to the pastor at their Church. But she also wanted to know who got his heart. And whoever got it would have to agree to share their identity, so there was no guarantee she’d ever find out.

But a few days after Kendrick died, a family member mentioned that Adrian’s cousin had been waiting for a new heart for two years, and she had just gotten a transplant.

The cousin’s name is Clintoria Johnson, and Adrian knew she’d been having health problems . . . but she didn’t know exactly what was going on. Meanwhile, Clintoria didn’t know Kendrick was an organ donor.

But in May, they both officially got word that it was Kendrick’s heart.

Adrian says she was having a hard week, because it was right before Mother’s Day, and one day before Kendrick’s birthday. So the timing was perfect . . . she broke down in tears . . . and she and her cousin are a lot closer now because of it.

They also found out some of Kendrick’s other organs went to people in Florida, so they’re planning a trip to meet them.

WDAM-TV 7-News, Weather, Sports-Hattiesburg, MS

Well, this is the first time I’ve heard of someone breaking the law and blaming it on an acute case of being Canadian.

A 22-year-old guy from Toronto named Dalmar Ali was pulled over on a freeway in Richfield, Minnesota earlier this month for going over 100 miles an hour.

And he told the cops it wasn’t his fault . . . he’s just Canadian, and got confused.

See, they use kilometers per hour, not miles per hour. So he thought he was going 100 Kilometers an hour, which is only about 62 miles an hour.

Unfortunately the cops didn’t let him get away with blaming the metric system. He got a ticket for speeding, and he’ll have to go to court in September.

I totally understand that burning your significant other’s stuff is an incredibly cathartic way to get revenge when they “burn” you. But just know that it’s probably going to go wrong . . . it almost always does.

There’s a 42-year-old woman in Pontiac, Michigan who was furious at her husband on Sunday. We’re not sure why, but it had to be big, because she took all of his clothes outside, dumped gas on them, and set them on fire.

But . . . the fire spread to the house, and firefighters had to come put it out. And she was arrested.