Happy Father’s Day! You know we love you Dad, and yes your jokes are sometimes funny!
- I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!
- Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.
- How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
- I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
- How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
- Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!
- Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!
- Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
- What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
- Why do bears have hairy coats? Fur protection.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fshhhh.
- Where does Fonzie like to go for lunch? Chick-Fil-Eyyyyyyyy.
- Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
- Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he’s a pain in the neck.
- Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
- Dad: ‘Did you know that all the people who live around here aren’t allowed to be buried in that cemetery?’ me: ‘Really? why not?’ dad: ‘Because they’re not dead yet.
- What do you call a man with no nose and no body? Nobody nose.
- I have a fear of speed bumps. Im slowly getting over it.
- What kind of underwear do clouds wear? THUNDERWEAR!
- If April showers bring May flowers then what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims, of course.
- I dreamed about drowning in an ocean of orange soda last night…It was just a Fanta sea.
- When you have a bladder infection…Urine trouble.
- A man tried to sell me a coffin today, I told him that’s the last thing I need.