Dailey Bailey: Lies You Should Never Tell Your Kids

A study published in the journal Developmental Science found that children ages 5, 6 and 7 who discovered their parents lied to them are more likely to cheat and lie themselves. Although the reasons weren’t clear, one possibility is that kids didn’t feel obligated to be truthful to someone they considered a liar. Even a ‘little white lie’ might have consequences, according to the study. Here, from Kirsten Cullen Sharma, a neuropsychologist at NYU Langone Child Study Center, are Five Lies You Should Never Tell Your Children:

1. “It won’t hurt.” It doesn’t help a child deal with difficult or uncomfortable situations and could even [compound his fear the next time]. Sharma tells Yahoo Parenting: “It’s important for parents to create an environment where the child feels safe to share their feelings openly.” Instead, say, “I know you’re scared” or “You look sad,” which encourages him to open up.

2. “Everything is going to be all right.” Instead of providing them with a false sense of security, view these events as age-appropriate opportunities for an honest dialogue. Then offer assurance that resonates: “I will do everything I can to take care of you,” “This is very sad, and you can share your real feelings with me,” or “I love you, and we will do everything we can to get through this together.”

3. “I would’ve never done that at your age.” “Parents are often trying to have a teachable moment when they say this, but it doesn’t feel that way to children,” says Sharma. A direct approach – telling your kid you’re upset and disappointed by his actions – is a better learning lesson.

4. “That’s it – I’m leaving you here.” You’d never leave your kid in a public place, but threatening to do it is superscary to a child and doesn’t solve the problem at hand. Allow him to choose the consequence for his bad behavior. Try, “You can either walk out of the store with mommy now, or I will carry you out” or “You can either walk out of the store with dad right now, or you will not have a play date.”

5. “You are the best!” Labeling him the “best” at anything is often untrue and can have a surprisingly negative effect on his self-esteem. Exaggerated praise causes kids with low self-esteem to feel ashamed if they perform poorly in the future. Instead, use such phrases as, “You worked so hard to solve that math problem” or “I loved all the energy you put into your performance.”